Here are the jokes of the week! Written by me, Bri Ribalta!
1). Multiple social media accounts have banned Trump from their platform. I would say he has more time to spend with friends, but most of them are jumping ship. Except for his loyal Chihuahua, Rudy Giuliani, who’s still trying to remember his MySpace password for Donald.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/2Xt6s70
Article: http://bit.ly/3oqp6rT
2). Nicki Minaj has settled a copyright infringement lawsuit from Tracy Chapman for $450,000 after the song Sorry was ‘leaked’ even though Chapman had refused to allow Minaj to sample it. When your mom says, TE DIJE QUE NO pero tu de cabezón didn’t listen.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/35qnW8u
3). Trump wasted one of his last tweets letting us know that he won’t be going to the Inauguration on the 20th. I’d like to let those who have asked know, that I also won’t be going to the Inauguration ceremony on January 20th.
4). Unless if you’ve been on a remote island no one has ever heard of, you know by now that on Wednesday Capitol Hill was attacked by a bunch of Magat insurrectionists trying to stage a coup. The lawmakers in the building were in total shock and unprepared for the chaos. For people who were so passionate about active school shooter drills saving lives, you’d think they’ve done their own active riot drills.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/3scaFKc
Article: http://to.pbs.org/38u7NAE
5). According to Whole Foods CEO John Mackey ‘the best solution [to keep people healthy in the U.S.] is to not need health care.’ So congenital disorders must also be a myth, and a $7 kale salad is all the medicine people need. Cool organic frijoles!
Tweet: https://bit.ly/3i2WFxJ
6). Meghan McCain, who just found out that maternity leave in the U.S. is a joke, came back to the view this week and there wasn’t enough time since 2021 started to prepare us for that.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/3owzePY
Video: https://bit.ly/3ouoth6
7). American Airlines is banning emotional support animals on their flights starting Feb. 1st. Damn! I’d just gotten a prescription for my Capuchin monkey. What am I supposed to do with this animal now?!? So rude..
Tweet: https://bit.ly/2XulCsk
Article: http://bit.ly/3q2CUsY
8). The sperm market is booming but sperm banks are running low, so women are turning to unregulated sperm donor Facebook groups. Ladies, just remember that Magats are scouting for a new venture to be able to afford a good lawyer.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/3q3DQgB
Article: http://nyti.ms/2LBXlhC
9). Betsy DeVos has resigned as Education Secretary. I wish other cancers were this easy to beat. Congrats to the Department of Education for being in remission.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/2K4xpuC
Article: http://n.pr/3ordmW2
10). If you want to know if one of your ‘I don’t know them so well acquaintances’ was involved in the Capitol Hill riot just check Twitter. Twitter users are doing a better job than the FBI identifying people. That is, identifying the people who haven’t identified themselves online.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/3boKdHn
FBI’s tweet: https://bit.ly/2LAYrdk
