Here are the jokes of the week! Written by me, Bri Ribalta!
1). A Cult City Tour attendee was arrested for damaging cameras in Scientology buildings with a pocket laser. You’d think the Church of Scientology has better cameras from planet Xenu that won’t succumb to mediocre human inventions.
Twitter:https://bit.ly/3m5HLZO
Article:https://bit.ly/31rJRK2
2). In not so shocking news, Sharon Osbourne is leaving The Talk for siding with her racist friend and having a history of racist talk. In less shocking news, we are about to hear more of Sharon’s “I’m not racist” side of the story.
Twitter:https://bit.ly/3w5SoAs
Article:https://cnn.it/3folmFA
3). The endangered honeyeater bird is under threat because it is failing to learn how to sing love songs, and the females are not impressed. I can’t wait for female honeyeaters to start mating with non-honeyeater males, and scientists to write about the phenomenon.
Twitter: https://bit.ly/2NXz8Uk
Article:https://bit.ly/3lYIHiu
4). A mom showed up to her daughter’s school wearing a boxing glove alleging that they were super glued to her wrists, fought a child and got arrested. At what point in that elaborate plan did she go..”I’m just gonna wing it if the police shows up?”
Twitter:https://bit.ly/39n7NCx
Article:https://bit.ly/2Qzxk4P
5). Pepsi and PEEPS have teamed up to create a marshmallow soda, Pepsi X Peeps. It’s like the universe is giving you all the tools to stay up for a week and finish that screenplay.
Twitter:https://bit.ly/3crFNj2
6). A beaver walked into a Canadian subway station prompting it’s closure until its removal. Canadians need to stop pretending Justin Bieber is not one of them.
Twitter:https://bit.ly/3sqcaEm
Article:https://bit.ly/3u3kgU2
7). Ted Cruz wants to make sure young people are abstaining from sex this Spring Break. Buy your t-shirt now and you won’t have to worry about getting laid.
Twitter:https://bit.ly/3st9PIY
8). A cargo ship got stuck at the Suez Canal when the captain tried to make a U-turn because he thought he left on the stove. No one wants to admit it, but that’s a clear attempt at a U-ey gone wrong.
Twitter: https://bit.ly/2PxiI5y
Article:https://bit.ly/3stNOtz
9). Krispy Kreme will give you a free doughnut every day this year if you’ve been vaccinated, because they know hard headed people love free stuff more than they hate being told what to do.
Twitter:https://bit.ly/2PelY5V
Article:https://cbsn.ws/3u1C2He
10). Apple was fined $2 million in Brazil for selling iPhone 12 without a charger. There must be a department at Apple whose sole job is coming up with different shit the company tries to get away with.
Twitter:https://bit.ly/3fiU5V9
Article: https://engt.co/3speGe5
