Here are the jokes of the week! Written by me, Bri Ribalta!
1). William and Kate have started their “the royal family is not racist tour,” when we already know they’re all racists, we just want to know who’s the most racist.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/3tfjR09
Article: http://bit.ly/38xiwKo
2). Afghanistan has issued a law banning girls older than 12 from singing in public, except at women only events. Once phase two is applied, girls will be banned from using all words, except for “yes.”
Tweet: https://bit.ly/38wY8ck
Article: http://bit.ly/30HFA4s
3). After Major Biden attacked a secret service officer at the White House CNN issued this thorough report: “Major… has been known to display agitated behavior on multiple occasions, including jumping, barking, and “charging” at staff and security…” Apparently, CNN believes that they are the first outlet to report sightings of these strange beings we call dogs.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/3liMSVZ
Article: http://cnn.it/3evDeOt
4). In 2016, a man was wrongfully convicted of a 2011 murder after Hertz couldn’t find a receipt to confirm his alibi. In 2018, Hertz said it found the receipt thanks to advances in data search. Data search must be code word for “learning how to use a computer.”
Tweet: https://bit.ly/3vjPWWw
5). Man drives dealership loaner to rob a bank, and tries to use the loot to buy a BMW at the same dealership. Seems like the “sorry I left the money at home” excuse does work.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/2OM9cLF
6). Clueless actress and former Trump supporter, Stacey Dash, says she is now a black woman and would like re-entry into the black community. Every Latino are now looking behind their blinds like, “tampoco estamos en casa.”
Tweet: https://bit.ly/3l8ue36
Article: http://bit.ly/3tcy0LA
7). Former Papa John’s CEO says he’s been working on removing the ‘n’ word from his vocabulary for 20 months. It’s probably taking so long because he’s still taking that Ambien at night.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/3evpbsh
Video: https://bit.ly/2Osw42H
8). Nebraska Governor Ricketts said in a news conference that ‘If you legalize marijuana, you’re gonna kill your kids.’ There’s so much wisdom in those few words he should co-write a parenting book with Ann Coulter.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/30BtHNJ
Article: http://bit.ly/3cro2PF
9). MSU’s men basketball team will now be known as MSU Spartans Presented by Rocket Mortgage. I already see the commercials: That slam dunk was the feeling you get with a home loan from Rocket Mortgage.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/3cv6Rwu
Article: http://bit.ly/3eygf5t
