Here are the jokes of the week! Written by me, Bri Ribalta!
1). According to the San Diego zoo, nine of their great apes were the first non-humans to receive the COVID-19 vaccine developed for animals. Fake news! The orange buffoon who used to live in the White House was the first non-human to get the vaccine.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/3kWyy5l
2). As Brazil records the world’s second highest death toll due to COVID, president Bolsaro tells Brazilians to stop their ‘fussing and whining.’ What a charismatic fella, it’s surprising he didn’t aim to be president of the United Nations.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/3sWkqMq
Article: http://bit.ly/3uZmncz
3). San Francisco pays $16 million to house homeless individuals in tents. Without a doubt, this city truly is a trailblazer in leisurely living.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/3sYVG69
Article: http://bit.ly/3c6F0CL
4). The ‘I-5 strangler’ was found strangled in his prison cell. Two convicted murders in a cell, one dead and only one was called the I-5 strangler. It’s pretty clear this was suicide.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/30jSQw0
Article: http://abcn.ws/3efCDjU
5). Ohio State University is conducting an OnlyFans seminar for students on how to get started in sex work. Finally! The first school to admit that sex work will lead to a more lucrative career than their degree.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/3uZhGPZ
Article: http://bit.ly/3caWtu1
6). Georgia Senate approves bill to teach drivers how to behave around police. Lesson 1: If you’re black, brown or poor don’t breathe, because shithead officers will find your breathing threatening. End of class.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/38fDmxE
Article: http://bit.ly/3c35qpa
7). Japan is asking China to stop anal COVID-19 tests on Japanese citizens entering the country. Apparently, something was lost in translation during the talks to strengthen relations between the countries; or, maybe Japan is just not as committed to these efforts as China.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/2NWXTAd
Article: http://bit.ly/3rnfPSZ
8). A plastic surgeon is under investigation after appearing in a court video call while performing surgery. It’s very telling that doctors love to multitask when their main job is just to keep the person alive.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/3rn9O8R
Article: http://cbsn.ws/3kPgIBe
9). Parts of the pavement from a village in the UK was stolen overnight. Police are asking all residents to report any suspicious activity, and to also get their hearing checked.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/3c7txml
10). A drunk man in Nashville was coming to help his drunk friend who had crashed into a ditch, but he crashed into her car instead. They must be closer than ever now that they get to split the title of ‘drunk friend,’ and a court date.
Tweet: https://bit.ly/3rhcJQl
